The 4.5 year old is whining and crying because he once again has a fever and feels like crap.
The 6.5 year old is running around like a feral cat because it is time to get ready for bed.  Getting ready for bed is obviously the worst possible thing in the world and must be avoided at all costs.
The 17 month old is acting like a total goof.  She keeps trying to get the 4.5 year old to play with her, but he feels like crap and keeps screeching in response.
I love my children.  I am grateful that they are part of my life.  These moments though, the ones where it feels like I’m in the middle of a riot, overwhelm me. 
I have to take a step back and breath. 
Collect myself. 
Look at the picture from a different angle.
Start the moment over.

Or,  maybe get rescued by my husband when he walks through the door from work.  That works too.

Later tonight,  when they are all  sleeping,  I will gaze at them as they have adventures in their dreams.  Sometimes I get glimpses of those dreams when the boundary between dreamland and reality is blurred. Someone will sit up and mumble about swords,  or bring their hand to their mouth as they snack on something delicious.  I giggle thinking about it.


Tomorrow is a new day.  New discoveries.  New trials.  New inventions.  New frustrations.  The key is learning to work through it all together.  Learning to communicate effectively with one another. Someday that will happen,  maybe. 


I started school last month. I know, crazy. I’ve only been out of school for, well, too many years.
Okay, okay. It’s been 15 years.
Being in school means homework, studying, writing papers. The usual stuff.
I have a paper that needs completing by next Tuesday and two tests this Thursday.
Of course this means that bedtime needs to take an excruciatingly long time tonight. I’ve been going at it for two hours now. Logan is asleep. He is generally pretty quick about it. Jeff got Connor to bed, so that wasn’t an issue. Lyla has decided that sleep isn’t really necessary tonight.
It is though. She needs to sleep so I can get some work done.
You hear that Lyla? Sleep. Please.

Also? Amazon said there would be packages today. Guess what? I did not get said packages. I am disappointed.

Finding Me

I posted this earlier today on my Facebook page.

“I’m trying to find myself again. I’ve lost sight of who I was over the last 6 years. I’ve been a mom and a wife, but have almost ceased to exist as Amanda.
I’ve missed myself.
I used to wear make up and do my hair before leaving the house. I used to dress nice. I loved my music. I loved being with friends.
Since having children, hair, make up, clothes, music, people outside my immediate circle, have all fallen to the sidelines.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom and a wife and wouldn’t trade it for the world, but I also loved being me.
So, here I am, re-emerging little by little.”


I got much more of a response than I would have thought. Losing oneself in the role of motherhood is much more commonplace than I thought. It’s definitely easy to do. Going from one task to the next, one day to the next. We give of ourselves unconditionally, no holds barred on a daily basis.

It has taken me a little while to come to terms with this. To be able to admit that I wasn’t wholly myself. I was missing a vital piece of who I was. I didn’t forget, I just got lost. I thought I had to give up on that stuff. I was a mom. Moms don’t dye their hair funky colors, or listen grown up music. Forget nice clothes, unless you are a working mom, they will just get pooed on, peed on, spit up on, a muddy hand print in the middle of your butt.

I was wrong. We can have that balance. We can still be us while taking care of our families. Sure, having beautifully coiffed hair and make-up may not be a daily thing, but I would definitely likely it to happen several times a week. I want to feel good about myself on the outside as well as on the inside. I’m tired of looking frumpy all the time.

Lying here

I’m lying here,
In the hotel bed.
Squished Snuggled between two of my children.
I’m so incredibly tired,
I should be sleeping.
Instead, I relish in the quiet.
The only sounds are the fan,
And the quiet breathing of my littles.
I should be sleeping,
But the quiet is so enjoyable.

Hello World!

Boy, I am not doing so good with the blogging lately.

I was gone, I came back, I disappeared again. I am going to attempt to come back again :)

I think it has been about 4 months since my last post. 

Since that time I have officially become a La Leche League leader. A became a Child Passenger Safety Technician (CPST). I attended a training program to become a trainer for the NorthEast Mississippi Birthing Project’s community doula/breastfeeding peer counselor program. 

And, discovered we will be expecting our 3rd baby the beginning of February! We will be having another homebirth. Munchkin is insisting that this one will be a little girl. I guess we will find out when the little bean joins us :)

The boys are growing in leaps and bounds.

Peanut uses full sentences and finally decided it was worth it to learn to open doors, turn light switches on and off, open the refrigerator, and attempt to use the remote control. Image

Munchkin is riding his “motorcycle” super fast all over the backyard. Please refrain from calling it a bike, he gets very upset about this ;) He got to go fishing for the first time this past weekend and caught a fish, very proud moment. Image He is working on writing and remembering his letters. He can type his name out on the computer and recognizes it when he sees it. We got him his own kitten. He named him Dragon and he is about 6 months old now. Image

K took in a kitten as well. Some people found him when his mama got hit by a car and they were leaving on vacation. So she volunteered to care for him and he is now a permanent fixture. He is between 7 and 8 weeks old and is named Garfield. Image

We processed our Cornish Rocks. Our turkeys are huge. The ducks went to Grandma and Grandpa’s house this weekend because they have a pond. All the other critters are doing well. I have 4 chickens sitting on eggs right now.

My garden got neglected due to having no energy because of the baby, but that is ok.

We found Lily a home. Now we need to find Gypsy a home. She does not appear to have any pyrenees in her and we really need a working dog, not another pet. . . Image

Well, I think that is enough information to clog your brain for now ;) Hopefully I will be able to keep up with the blogging again.



Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas (I know it’s a little late) and Happy New Year Everyone!

I hope everyone’s Christmas (or to be PC, holiday) was a good one.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

We were pretty busy. We had the boy’s birthday/Christmas party. Munchkin just turned 4 on the 23rd and Peanut turned 2 today. Where in the world does the time go? I know, I know. Horribly cliché, but it is true! My babies are growing up way too fast.

My mom and her husband came down and stayed the week with us. It was great to see them, but I am glad to have the house back to normal. Well, sort of normal.

The sort of normal is because Lily had her puppies. Labor started the day my mom came (the 21st). She had her first pup about 9pm and the last one between 2 & 2:30am  on the 22nd. She had 9 puppies,  8 of them live. That’s a lot of puppies. They are very cute, but all I can envision is 8 crazy puppies destroying my house. . . . Luckily, we will have help from the local rescue with placing them in homes. That takes a huge weight off of my shoulders. I am guessing you would like to see some pictures? I suppose I can do that :)

Newborn puppies

Newborn puppies


A kiss for mama

A kiss for mama


Puppies today at 10 days old

Puppies today at 10 days old



That brings us to now. New Year’s Eve. I don’t do very much anymore. Mainly just sit on the couch. Maybe have a beer. Watch something on Hulu or Netflix. I am happy with that though.

I am not really sure what I expect from 2013. My goals for this year didn’t get fully accomplished, but I have been headed in the right direction. So I guess I will just keep at those goals and whatever else happens is an added bonus :)

I hope you all have fun celebrating the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013.

What are your expectations for this new year?