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Breath

Breath.
The 4.5 year old is whining and crying because he once again has a fever and feels like crap.
Breath.
The 6.5 year old is running around like a feral cat because it is time to get ready for bed.  Getting ready for bed is obviously the worst possible thing in the world and must be avoided at all costs.
Breath.
The 17 month old is acting like a total goof.  She keeps trying to get the 4.5 year old to play with her, but he feels like crap and keeps screeching in response.
Breath.
I love my children.  I am grateful that they are part of my life.  These moments though, the ones where it feels like I’m in the middle of a riot, overwhelm me. 
I have to take a step back and breath. 
Collect myself. 
Look at the picture from a different angle.
Start the moment over.

Or,  maybe get rescued by my husband when he walks through the door from work.  That works too.

Later tonight,  when they are all  sleeping,  I will gaze at them as they have adventures in their dreams.  Sometimes I get glimpses of those dreams when the boundary between dreamland and reality is blurred. Someone will sit up and mumble about swords,  or bring their hand to their mouth as they snack on something delicious.  I giggle thinking about it.

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Tomorrow is a new day.  New discoveries.  New trials.  New inventions.  New frustrations.  The key is learning to work through it all together.  Learning to communicate effectively with one another. Someday that will happen,  maybe. 

Finding Me

I posted this earlier today on my Facebook page.

“I’m trying to find myself again. I’ve lost sight of who I was over the last 6 years. I’ve been a mom and a wife, but have almost ceased to exist as Amanda.
I’ve missed myself.
I used to wear make up and do my hair before leaving the house. I used to dress nice. I loved my music. I loved being with friends.
Since having children, hair, make up, clothes, music, people outside my immediate circle, have all fallen to the sidelines.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom and a wife and wouldn’t trade it for the world, but I also loved being me.
So, here I am, re-emerging little by little.”

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I got much more of a response than I would have thought. Losing oneself in the role of motherhood is much more commonplace than I thought. It’s definitely easy to do. Going from one task to the next, one day to the next. We give of ourselves unconditionally, no holds barred on a daily basis.

It has taken me a little while to come to terms with this. To be able to admit that I wasn’t wholly myself. I was missing a vital piece of who I was. I didn’t forget, I just got lost. I thought I had to give up on that stuff. I was a mom. Moms don’t dye their hair funky colors, or listen grown up music. Forget nice clothes, unless you are a working mom, they will just get pooed on, peed on, spit up on, a muddy hand print in the middle of your butt.

I was wrong. We can have that balance. We can still be us while taking care of our families. Sure, having beautifully coiffed hair and make-up may not be a daily thing, but I would definitely likely it to happen several times a week. I want to feel good about myself on the outside as well as on the inside. I’m tired of looking frumpy all the time.

Lying here

I’m lying here,
In the hotel bed.
Squished Snuggled between two of my children.
I’m so incredibly tired,
I should be sleeping.
Instead, I relish in the quiet.
The only sounds are the fan,
And the quiet breathing of my littles.
I should be sleeping,
But the quiet is so enjoyable.

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas (I know it’s a little late) and Happy New Year Everyone!

I hope everyone’s Christmas (or to be PC, holiday) was a good one.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

We were pretty busy. We had the boy’s birthday/Christmas party. Munchkin just turned 4 on the 23rd and Peanut turned 2 today. Where in the world does the time go? I know, I know. Horribly cliché, but it is true! My babies are growing up way too fast.

My mom and her husband came down and stayed the week with us. It was great to see them, but I am glad to have the house back to normal. Well, sort of normal.

The sort of normal is because Lily had her puppies. Labor started the day my mom came (the 21st). She had her first pup about 9pm and the last one between 2 & 2:30am  on the 22nd. She had 9 puppies,  8 of them live. That’s a lot of puppies. They are very cute, but all I can envision is 8 crazy puppies destroying my house. . . . Luckily, we will have help from the local rescue with placing them in homes. That takes a huge weight off of my shoulders. I am guessing you would like to see some pictures? I suppose I can do that 🙂

Newborn puppies

Newborn puppies

 

A kiss for mama

A kiss for mama

 

Puppies today at 10 days old

Puppies today at 10 days old

 

 

That brings us to now. New Year’s Eve. I don’t do very much anymore. Mainly just sit on the couch. Maybe have a beer. Watch something on Hulu or Netflix. I am happy with that though.

I am not really sure what I expect from 2013. My goals for this year didn’t get fully accomplished, but I have been headed in the right direction. So I guess I will just keep at those goals and whatever else happens is an added bonus 🙂

I hope you all have fun celebrating the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013.

What are your expectations for this new year?

 

Monsters in the bed

How do you handle night-time monsters?

Munchkin apparently has 2 green ones that like to lurk under the covers and scare him out of sleep in the middle of the night.

Connor's Monsters

I have tried pulling the covers back one by one and showing him there are no monsters there. I gave him a flashlight and told him the monsters don’t like the light. Still he wakes up though and if I am still awake he will join me in the living room and then it takes a while to get him back to sleep. If I am in bed, he will climb into bed with us, this isn’t so bad because he goes right back to sleep.

My Mother-in-law suggested making some Monster Spray with lavender essential oil. I think I will give that a try.

C’est La Vie

Sorry for my absence. Life has been zooming by. I don’t even know how long it has been since my last post. . . .

Did you all have a good Thanksgiving? We did. My mom and her husband came down for a visit. We had dinner at our house, so my in-laws came over as well. I think Munchkin was in his glory, he had all his favorite people under one roof. We took the boys to go see Wreck-It Ralph that Saturday. They did great and it was a cute movie.

I have been working on my WIC peer counselor training the last few weeks. It is exciting. I get to talk about breastfeeding with pregnant mamas. The boys have been spending a lot of time with Grandma as she has been watching them for me while I do the training and when I clean that house once a week. I am very grateful to have her so close. The boys enjoy going over there. Peanut has an easier time with my leaving then Munchkin does. As soon as I get back to bring them home though, Peanut wants his milkies (which he calls “mine”) immediately.

Peanut has been talking up a storm and repeats everything he hears. Luckily he hasn’t repeated any of the less than nice words that have escaped my mouth on occasion. It is cute listening and watching him copy everything his big brother does.

Munchkin is still in the in-between phase where he wants to be a big boy, but whines and cries because he wants you to help him do everything too. It keeps things interesting. 🙂 I love it when he tries out new words he hears and new gestures too. Today he gave me a thumbs up when I asked him if something was good.

On the animal/homestead end of things, we lost two chickens. I am not sure if it was Lily, who I caught eating them, or if it was the neighbor’s dog that Hubby had chased out of the yard when he caught him going after a chicken.

Lily went into heat and we tried to be diligent, but said neighbor’s dog managed to get hold of her and so now we should have puppies around Christmas. *sigh* Not especially happy, but “c’est la vie”

I was telling Munchkin that Lily has babies in her belly so he needs to not be so rough with her. Tonight he was talking about the babies in his belly. He has 5 or 6 of them in there. We are going to be busy 😉

My sister’s rabbit is hilarious. Nothing phases him. He quickly adjusted to the chaos that is our life. He gets free time in the house when the dogs are out. He hops onto the couch, pushes open doors if they aren’t shut tight, steals food off the kid’s table, begs when you are cutting up vegetables. He acts like a one of the dogs or the cats. I got this cute pic of him washing his face. Looks like he is saying “Oh no, what have I done” Bandit