The 4.5 year old is whining and crying because he once again has a fever and feels like crap.
The 6.5 year old is running around like a feral cat because it is time to get ready for bed. Getting ready for bed is obviously the worst possible thing in the world and must be avoided at all costs.
The 17 month old is acting like a total goof. She keeps trying to get the 4.5 year old to play with her, but he feels like crap and keeps screeching in response.
I love my children. I am grateful that they are part of my life. These moments though, the ones where it feels like I’m in the middle of a riot, overwhelm me.
I have to take a step back and breath.
Look at the picture from a different angle.
Start the moment over.
Or, maybe get rescued by my husband when he walks through the door from work. That works too.
Later tonight, when they are all sleeping, I will gaze at them as they have adventures in their dreams. Sometimes I get glimpses of those dreams when the boundary between dreamland and reality is blurred. Someone will sit up and mumble about swords, or bring their hand to their mouth as they snack on something delicious. I giggle thinking about it.
Tomorrow is a new day. New discoveries. New trials. New inventions. New frustrations. The key is learning to work through it all together. Learning to communicate effectively with one another. Someday that will happen, maybe.
“I’m trying to find myself again. I’ve lost sight of who I was over the last 6 years. I’ve been a mom and a wife, but have almost ceased to exist as Amanda.
I’ve missed myself.
I used to wear make up and do my hair before leaving the house. I used to dress nice. I loved my music. I loved being with friends.
Since having children, hair, make up, clothes, music, people outside my immediate circle, have all fallen to the sidelines.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom and a wife and wouldn’t trade it for the world, but I also loved being me.
So, here I am, re-emerging little by little.”
I got much more of a response than I would have thought. Losing oneself in the role of motherhood is much more commonplace than I thought. It’s definitely easy to do. Going from one task to the next, one day to the next. We give of ourselves unconditionally, no holds barred on a daily basis.
It has taken me a little while to come to terms with this. To be able to admit that I wasn’t wholly myself. I was missing a vital piece of who I was. I didn’t forget, I just got lost. I thought I had to give up on that stuff. I was a mom. Moms don’t dye their hair funky colors, or listen grown up music. Forget nice clothes, unless you are a working mom, they will just get pooed on, peed on, spit up on, a muddy hand print in the middle of your butt.
I was wrong. We can have that balance. We can still be us while taking care of our families. Sure, having beautifully coiffed hair and make-up may not be a daily thing, but I would definitely likely it to happen several times a week. I want to feel good about myself on the outside as well as on the inside. I’m tired of looking frumpy all the time.
Munchkin apparently has 2 green ones that like to lurk under the covers and scare him out of sleep in the middle of the night.
I have tried pulling the covers back one by one and showing him there are no monsters there. I gave him a flashlight and told him the monsters don’t like the light. Still he wakes up though and if I am still awake he will join me in the living room and then it takes a while to get him back to sleep. If I am in bed, he will climb into bed with us, this isn’t so bad because he goes right back to sleep.
My Mother-in-law suggested making some Monster Spray with lavender essential oil. I think I will give that a try.
I figured I would say “Hi” to you all while I wait for my cup of tea to finish steeping. I should be going to bed because sleep has been hard to come by with this stupid cold making the rounds. But, I seem to have a frog in my throat that just doesn’t want to move on. So tea and Hello it is. 🙂
We found Rocky a new home. He is living happily on a farm. He has his own little flock of Barred Rock hens to look after. Before we left the farm I picked up two Australorp pullets. I have no pictures yet because the girls, who we have named Dorothy and Rose, have been a little on the shy side. Yes, we have Blanche, Dorothy, and Rose. We just need a Sophia now.
Today Hubby and I started digging out the drainage culvert that divides the property. It was almost flat in some areas. We got about 40 feet of it cleared out today. There is still a lot more to go though. I am already pretty sore, I am hoping tomorrow won’t be too bad.
Munchkin has been super whiny for the last 24 hours. He hasn’t been able to verbalize why he is feeling so sad or angry. Everything has been setting him off though. I’ve been doing my best to keep my cool, it is hard at moments though. I am hoping tomorrow is a better day for him. I hate to see him having a difficult time.
Peanut started saying “sorry” today. Then when we were having some silly time before bed he started saying “I love you”! It was so sweet. That really made my night.
Blah. My throat is getting scratchier by the moment. I don’t want to be sick again! 😦
Earlier today Munchkin suddenly stopped all activity. He was just standing there leaning on the handle of his trampoline. He had a kind of thoughtful/guilty expression on his face.
I asked him what he was doing and he replied with nothing. I asked if he was ok and he replied mhm.
Then I realized he was actually looking at something. So I asked him what he was looking at and he shyly pointed with his pinky. At first I didn’t see anything and then I realized there was a nugget of poo on the floor. . .
I asked him if he had an accident and he said yeah. (He just had on shorts and no underwear. He changes his clothes a million times a day) I replied with ok and said I would clean it up. He then asked me if I was mad. I told him I wasn’t and that accidents happen. He was so relieved. He ran down the hallway stating that he would help and grabbed some toilet paper to clean up the mess.
Poor kiddo. He was so afraid that I would be angry with him. He has been doing so fantastic with using the potty. I understand that accidents happen. Cleaning them up off the living room carpet isn’t the most fun job, but it is okay. I made sure he knew that we don’t want to make a habit of pooing on the floor and that he needs to listen to his body when it tells him he needs to go. I also told him not to be afraid to tell me when things happen and I will do my best to stay positive.
Today is one of those days where my skin is just crawling and I feel like I can’t get comfortable in my own body. And I don’t want to be touched. I am soooo touched out today.
It has been rainy and gross out since yesterday, so the kids are a little crazy and super clingy. I am being used as a human jungle gym much to my dismay. Peanut of course has already nursed like a million times.
I just want to go hole myself up in the bedroom and take a time out. I desperately need a reprieve today.
Hopefully the boys will nap in the car when we leave in a few to pick up K from work. That will at least give me a little bit of quiet.
Unless Munchkin decides it is one of those days that he needs to throw things and hit Peanut and screech as loud as he can and just make the car ride awful. I really don’t like those days.
For a while now Peanut has been sitting on his little potty in the bathroom. Fully clothed of course. It is really cute. He comes in, sits down, makes a “sssss” noise, and then asks for some toilet paper.
I try to give him naked time whenever possible. He has been prone to rashes. (I think I need new diapers or inserts. That is a post for another time though.) We have a potty in each bathroom and one in the living room. We sit him on them frequently and he did pee on the potty once so far. Yay Peanut!
He is starting to recognize when his body needs to go. Yesterday he was playing and let a couple drops of pee go (yeah, I know, he is going to hate me someday), realized what was happening and started yelling “Mama!” Same thing happened today too. He didn’t end up going in the potty, but it’s a step in the right direction. 🙂